Hi all!
summary: tank had chemo today, and it tired him considerably. off-site. we visited after, and he ate. hes pale and tired and kind of frustrated. we are focused on getting him to eat, mostly.
last night, sally and i picked up lobster bisque and clam chowder at dockside, and took it to bayside. success! he ate it all! Maybe 800 calories. he loved it, and was eager and happy. we chatted for a while. it was fun. he was darling. tired, but himself. talked about all kinds of things. he was fairly relaxed, there in his bed. the day before, we saw a nurse help him from wheelchair to bed, and he stood for the process, and we realized it had been 13 months since we had seen him upright. i mean, hes been upright in that time, but...not when we were there.
hey, here at burger king, bob seeger is on the radio singing Against the Wind. wow. one of tank's favorite. i was living to run, and running to live. wow. searching for shelter again and again... tank would love being here with us. funny, how needs become so simple. he would f****** love this, sitting with me and sally having a sandwich.
so. we were happy that he ate last night. terry suggested sally and i take the day off.
"what to leave in...what to leave out..."
"well, i'm older now, and still runnin against the wind."
"still runnin...runnin against the wind..."
well. this morning, sally and i went to the shell shop, and then to bayview restaurant. not for our own enjoyment, of course, but so we could take our leftovers home for tank, because he loves their fish-and-chips. since tank was going to be getting chemo all day at a doctors office, we went to spencers and bought groceries so sally could bake for tank. :) she made chocolate muffins and chocolate cookies, both diabetic friendly. so tasty! i watched. terry surprised us by showing up.
earlier, terry had instructed us to show up at bayside at 5:30 with shakes from foster freeze. we were somewhat reluctant to do so, but were willing to comply, cause she assured us that was the only thing he would eat. but he changed his mind at some point, and wanted mexican food instead. yay! we picked up tacos downtown, and took a muffin, and went to bayside. god, he looked tired when he showed up on the bus. pale, too. but, he surprised us by being willing to sit on the front porch of the place and eat our mexican food. didnt seem rushed, really. said its not the drugs that make him tired, but the activity. he talks often of exactly how tired he gets, cause i think it continues to surprise him. to be too tired to sit up, or swallow, or chew, or think straight. he was cute, though, and was charmed when i showed him a photo of anna t's baby, and read a letter she'd written, full of praise and thanks. :) an ode to tank from an unexpected source. nice work, anna.
tank was finally ready to get back into bed, and was suddenly very tired. we all worked together to get him into bed. he was frustrated, but then he relaxed. sally just said that he gets upset and frustrated and overtired, but right away he snaps back into a good mood. he doesnt get hostile, and he doesnt stay upset. when we are there, anyway. it would be so easy to do so. to just give up, or to take the fear and frustration out on loved ones. that would be forgivable, but he doesnt do that. not us, anyway. once he got in bed, he just lay still, on his back, tired, but not unpleasant. resigned...sure. i mean, its sad, sometimes, but i admire him for enduring. for being stoic.
we went back to terrys, and finished making the cookies.
tomorrow, terrys taking the day off to run errands and to exercise. sally and i will take a picnic to tank: rotisserie chicken (dark meat per his request), and coleslaw from spencers.
oh...we'll visit one more time tonight. take the fish from bayview, and a cookie. i imagine he'll be too tired to visit, but maybe not. we show up with food, and ready to visit, even though he may not want either. we're prepared, if he wants food and chat.
terry mentioned that its not his last chemo. we keep thinking its his last, and it never is. not that the chemo is the problem. i dont know why hes so tired. is it radiation, chemo, the illness, a lack of food, or just the fact that he lies in bed all day? just don't know. we met jeff today, who is the main physical therapist. a young, cute, tall guy who seems to like tank. i hope tank starts working with him again soon. the nurses, for the most part, are great.
hey, sally wants to put together a scrapbook for tank, which i think he'd love. when we look at cards and pictures together, he seems surprisingly interested. at xmas, there was a picture of sharon and her family, and he looked at every person, wondering which lovely young blonde was sharon. :) so, i gathered up the pictures that have been sent to tank recently, including the xmas pictures, but if anyone else wants to send photos to me or to sally, she'll include them in the scrapbook for tank. i know it doesnt seem like the kind of think tank would like, but he does now. people change. so send away.
hey! another song tank loves! what are the chances! "...my mother laughed the way some ladies do..." "...i'm with my boys, i'm with my troops, yeah..." paul simon singing "late in the evening." tank loves this song. loves paul. who doesnt. loves this brass solo. i can hardly wait until tank comes home, and can enjoy pleasures like this song. "...i said i'm gonna get that girl no matter what i do...." i wonder if he'd like headphones and a cd player. probably not, but i'm going to ask him about that. everyone get ready to send cd's of tank's favorite songs, okay? :)
well, we're off to visit him, and then head home to bed. ya'll take care. we miss our utah buddies (you know who you are). much love, polly.
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